personally I think its great, wish I had the talent ya have, it follows well, the repetition is a little much, but it's something put together well, really does need some variation, to the whole, but its good keep it up. your making a good way for your self,
You have talent, you are making the same mistake I make alot, by putting the overtones (the girls voice) to where it takes away from your lyrics, the talented voice work you have done made me listen in to a genre otherwise i don't care for.
Its very nice, would give it a 5 if it was a little longer, but hey leaves ya wanting more, well done.
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